


Jealousy and Confusion

by Lysippe



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games (Movies)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-09
Updated: 2014-01-09
Packaged: 2019-09-12 06:03:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16867486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lysippe/pseuds/Lysippe
Summary: Katniss found out that Johanna was in District 12 two days after her arrival, and only because Haymitch casually brought it up in conversation. Apparently she had shown up on his doorstep without warning and taken up temporary residence on his couch.





	Jealousy and Confusion

**Author's Note:**

> nicolebwe sent me this for a prompt on Tumblr: “What about one prompt of joniss where peeta gets jealous of johanna this can be after mockingjay and katniss don’t know how she can tell him and her she is in love with Jo.”
> 
> And I was going to just write a short thing but then that thing happened in my brain and it spun out of control and hey, I think I sort of followed the prompt at least. That counts for something, right?

Katniss found out that Johanna was in District 12 two days after her arrival, and only because Haymitch casually brought it up in conversation. Apparently she had shown up on his doorstep without warning and taken up temporary residence on his couch. 

Katniss tried to hide how hurt she was that no one, least of all Johanna, had thought to mention this to her, but Haymitch had always been oddly good at reading her. He had shrugged nonchalantly and said, “Don’t take it too personally. You wouldn’t want to see her right now anyway. She’s been going through my stash pretty good the last few days.”

“I’ve seen Johanna doped up on morphling, I think I could handle her drunk,” Katniss said.

Haymitch had chuckled somewhat condescendingly and said, “Trust me, sweetheart, this is a whole different ballgame. You have no idea.”

—

Peeta didn’t understand. When Katniss had brought it up, trying to sound casual, he had given her an odd look and said, “What’s the big deal? I didn’t think you guys were close. I always kind of thought you just tolerated each other.”

Katniss had never thought about it before, but it struck her that Peeta had had other pressing issues on his mind for the majority of her friendship with Johanna. Of course he wouldn’t realize how important Johanna had become to her. “I guess we weren’t,” she said.

In truth, Katniss had thought of Johanna as her closest friend for some time. Even after the revolution, when they parted ways - Johanna back to District 7 and Katniss home to 12 - and only spoke on occasion, she had figured that the basic connection and trust was still there. 

Katniss didn’t place much trust in people, but she had trusted Johanna more than most. And she knew that Johanna had trusted her, too, enough to let her in, even if just to see her pain. So why was Johanna avoiding her?

—

Over the next few days, Katniss could see that Peeta was getting fed up with her obsessing over Johanna. He was nice about it, because Peeta was nice about everything, but it was getting to him. Even on her best days, Katniss was pretty sure she wasn’t quite up to snuff as far as being an attentive girlfriend went, and these days she was completely distracted.

“If it’s bothering you that much, just go see her. She’s right across the road, you know,” Peeta finally said, somewhat snippily, after trying for half an hour to engage Katniss in conversation and receiving only monosyllabic mutterings in response.

Katniss didn’t respond, just stared at him, and Peeta stood a little too forcefully, the kitchen table shaking as he did. “If you finally decide you want to talk to  _me_ , you know where to find me,” he said, and walked out the door.

Loathe though she was to admit it, Katniss knew that Peeta was right - he wasn’t the one she needed to see right now.

—

Deciding to visit Johanna was surprisingly easy, considering it had taken Katniss days to come to the decision. Actually getting up the nerve to do so, however, was much harder. 

The first time, Katniss had just let her anger motivate her. That had gotten her all the way to Haymitch’s door, her hand poised to knock, when she realized that barging into a house where both Haymitch and Johanna were just to yell at someone was probably something she wouldn’t live down for a long time.

The second time, Katniss had drank several cups of tea in an effort to calm her nerves. She had gotten as far as her doorstep when she realized that if she wasn’t going to yell at Johanna, she wasn’t quite sure what she  _was_  going to do.

The third, Katniss was bound and determined that she was just going to go over, walk into Haymitch’s house, and let the cards fall where they may. She opened her door and stepped out, only to bump into Peeta.

—

“I visited Haymitch,” Peeta said casually, stretched out on Katniss’ couch.

“How’s he doing?” Katniss asked.

“You could find out for yourself if you’d visit him,” Peeta said.

“It’s not that simple, Peeta,” Katniss sighed. 

“Why not? This is getting ridiculous, Katniss.” 

Katniss felt a twinge of guilt. Peeta was far better than anyone she had ever known at putting up with her, and she knew she was being unreasonable, but she couldn’t quite explain her reluctance. “I just… I don’t know, I feel like if Johanna wanted to see me, she’d have come here, you know?”

“Because Johanna is less stubborn than you are?” Peeta asked, raising an eyebrow.

He had her there. “Why are you even here? I thought you were mad at me,” Katniss said, trying to change the topic to something she could deal with more easily.

“I’m not mad, Katniss, but you’re not telling me something. I just wish you’d be straight with me. Though I guess if the last few years have taught me anything, it’s that straight answers aren’t really something I should expect from you,” he laughed humorlessly.

Katniss felt a twinge of guilt at that, and resolved to sort it out once and for all. As soon as she figured out what exactly ‘it’ was.

—

Katniss decided that the best course of action would be to wait until Haymitch wasn’t around. Dealing with two aggressive drunks at once seemed unnecessarily difficult. The problem with this plan, however, was that Haymitch rarely left his house. Katniss had assumed that he would run out of alcohol or food or  _something_ that he needed, but apparently he was pretty well stocked. Eventually, however, she witnessed Haymitch leaving his house, and before she could lose her nerve, she marched over and flung open the door, walking straight into the living room.

There lay Johanna, on her back, staring at the ceiling. She gave no indication that she was aware of Katniss’ existence, and Katniss wondered how drunk Johanna would have to be to dull her senses that much.

As she was about to say something, however, Johanna spoke.

“I was wondering when I’d see you, brainless.”

“Nice to see you’ve moved on from the morphling.” Okay, that wasn’t  _exactly_  the type of entrance Katniss wanted to make, but it was something at least.

“What can I say, alcohol’s really more my style, and Haymitch is  _loaded_.”

“Well, aren’t you lucky?” Katniss said snippily.

Johanna laughed, the sound harsh and unapologetic, and lifted her head to peer over the back of the couch at Katniss. “If there is one thing I’ve never been, it’s lucky,” she said, letting her head fall back onto the couch and out of Katniss’ line of sight.

The bluntness of Johanna’s words dulled some of Katniss’ anger, and the familiar feeling of being torn between wanting to hug and punch her former roommate arose.

Haymitch was right. Katniss was not prepared to deal with a drunk Johanna Mason. She was even more arbitrarily argumentative and casually cruel than usual. Still, Katniss thought, she was here now, and there was no turning back.

“Why are you even here?” Katniss asked, wincing inwardly at how accusatory the question sounded.

Johanna didn’t answer, and Katniss walked around to the front of the couch, gingerly moving Johanna’s feet from the end so she could sit down. Johanna scowled petulantly and replaced her feet on Katniss’ lap.

As Katniss opened her mouth to try again, Johanna said, “I came here to see you, stupid.” Her speech was somewhat slurred, but her eyes were clear and sharp.

“Well then why didn’t you actually  _see_  me?” Katniss snapped back, hurt.

This time, Johanna didn’t answer at all. Instead, she rolled over onto her side, staring at the back of the couch and curling her legs up, off of Katniss’ lap. 

The last time she had seen Johanna, she had been tired and strung-out and so worn-down by life that it was almost painful to watch. Johanna didn’t look quite so fragile anymore, and she seemed to have regained some of her fighting spirit, but curled up on the couch, sullen and silent, Katniss realized once again just how small Johanna was. 

“I hate the way this place smells,” Johanna said finally. “I swear Haymitch has spilled alcohol on every surface in this house.”

A smile tugged at the corner of Katniss’ mouth. “It’s pretty awful.”

“Couch sucks, too. I think he’s slept here more than he’s actually slept in his bed.”

“Well, then it was pretty generous of him to let you take it.”

“Generous my ass,” Johanna snorted. “I didn’t give him a choice. Well, that’s not true. I offered to take the bed if he wanted the couch that badly, but he didn’t seem to like that.”

Imagining the scene, Katniss had to laugh. No wonder Haymitch had looked so put out when last they spoke. “Well, you can always stay with me, if you want. I don’t have any alcohol, but at least my house is clean.”

Johanna’s head shot up. “Stay with you and Peeta?” she asked derisively. “Not seeing how that’d be any better.”

“What do you mean, me and Peeta?” Katniss asked.

“Haymitch said you were still together,” Johanna shrugged. “I assumed that meant you two were living together.”

“Well, we’re not. Not yet, anyway.”

“What’s stopping you?”

“I don’t know,” Katniss said, feeling the familiar ease of talking to Johanna return. “Peeta would like to, I think, but I’m just… not there yet.”

“Well, just as well. Without him, I can rest in peace on your couch,” Johanna said.

Katniss wasn’t entirely sure what Johanna meant by that, but she decided to leave well enough alone for the time being.

While Johanna packed her meager belongings, Katniss left Haymitch a note on the door to his liquor cabinet, the one place she was certain he would find it quickly, explaining that she was abducting his houseguest. Somehow, she didn’t think he would mind too much.

—

Katniss hadn’t intended to have Johanna come back with her, but ever since District 13, having Johanna around seemed so natural and right that she didn’t question it. 

She had mentally prepared herself for the difficult houseguest she assumed Johanna to be, only to realize that Johanna seemed to actually be making an effort to be as little of a nuisance as she could. She helped clean, engaged Katniss in conversation whenever she was around, and even somehow managed to procure an axe and spent an afternoon chopping a small mountain of firewood for the upcoming winter.

The days flew by with Johanna around, and a pleasantly peaceful routine started to form, so much that Katniss didn’t even realize that she hadn’t seen Peeta in days until he showed up at her door.

—

When Peeta came by, he was surprised to find Johanna sprawled out on Katniss’ couch comfortably, like she owned the place. A twinge of jealousy formed in the pit of his stomach at how easily Katniss could let Johanna into her life, when he had to push for every step forward they took. 

As Peeta and Katniss stood in the entryway, Johanna stood up. “I’m going for a walk,” she announced, and excused herself.

Once the door closed behind Johanna, Peeta turned to Katniss. “How’d that happen?”

“Would you leave someone to sleep on Haymitch’s couch?” Katniss said.

“Probably not. So I guess that’s why I haven’t seen you recently?”

“I guess,” Katniss shrugged. “Being a good host and all.”

“How long is she staying?” Peeta asked.

“I don’t know, she didn’t really say.”

“So just… indefinitely? Johanna Mason is just going to be sleeping on your couch for an undetermined amount of time until one of you decides it’s time for her to leave?”

“Yeah. So what?” Katniss asked, not understanding what Peeta’s problem was with the whole situation. He was as welcome as he ever had been. It wasn’t her fault if he chose not to visit just because Johanna was there.

“Nothing. See you around, Katniss.”

—

A week into her stay, Johanna apparently decided that Katniss’ couch didn’t quite meet her standards, either. “Your couch sucks, brainless. Move over,” she ordered, pulling Katniss’ blankets up and prodding her to make her move.

“God, Johanna, it’s the middle of the night,” Katniss grumbled, making room for Johanna nonetheless. “Did you do this with Haymitch, too?”

Johanna snorted. “I don’t think his bed would be any less disgusting than his couch.”

“Probably not,” Katniss mumbled, sleep washing over her once more.

—

Katniss woke up to an arm wrapped around her, fingers splayed across her stomach, and the familiar feeling of someone pressed up against her back. Momentarily confused, she wondered when Peeta had come by last night, until she remembered that her bedmate was not Peeta, but Johanna.

Johanna Mason was in her bed,  _cuddling_  her. Sitting up gingerly, trying not to wake Johanna, Katniss surveyed the scene curiously. 

“S’cold, lie down, brainless,” Johanna mumbled sleepily, opening her eyes slightly.

“You were cuddling,” Katniss responded dumbly, still trying to wrap her own head around the surreal situation she had found herself in.

“Like I said, it’s cold,” Johanna grumbled, tugging forcefully at Katniss, who sighed and lay back down.

“What are we doing, Johanna?” Katniss asked, confused.

“Well, I  _was_  sleeping,” Johanna glared tiredly, “but apparently I’m not anymore.”

“I’m not kidding,” Katniss insisted. “You were here for over a week and you never even thought to let me know, and then you tell me you came to see me, and now you’re here and we’re in bed together. This is a little much, you know?”

“I  _did_  come to see you,” Johanna mumbled into Katniss’ shoulder. “But Haymitch said you were still with Peeta and I didn’t feel like dealing with your perfect little love story, so I didn’t.”

“My relationship with Peeta isn’t perfect,” Katniss objected, thinking back on Peeta’s odd behavior of late.

“It worked out, didn’t it? That as perfect as it gets for us.” 

The tired resignation in Johanna’s voice made Katniss’ heart ache. She wanted to tell Johanna that things would work out for her, too, but that was a promise she couldn’t guarantee, and they both knew it.

—

Once Johanna had made herself at home, she and Katniss were all but inseparable. They worked together as a cohesive unit in a way she and Peeta never had. They bickered, constantly, and had opposing ways of doing things, but eventually they always reached a compromise - usually halfway between what Katniss wanted and what Johanna wanted. If anyone had asked Katniss whether she thought she and Johanna Mason would end up being compatible, she would have laughed at them. And yet, here they were.

It was while they were preparing dinner one night - Katniss hated cooking, Johanna hated cleaning - that Katniss finally asked the question that had been plaguing her since that day in Haymitch’s house. “Why did you come all the way here to see me?”

Johanna’s hands paused in mid-slice and she turned around, giving Katniss a strange look. “You sure you want the answer to that?”

“Yes.” She wasn’t sure, not really, but she also wasn’t about to shy away from answers now.

Johanna sighed. “I never went back to 7. I just traveled around for a while, you know? Visited Annie in 4 and Gale in 2 - they’re doing fine, by the way - and a few other districts just for the hell of it.”

“But why District 12? Why here?”

“Because District 12 is where the only person left that I love is,” Johanna said in that unnervingly honest way of hers. Uncertain, yet unapologetic.

“Oh.” At once Katniss felt a fluttering in her stomach, and she stared at Johanna for a moment before saying dumbly, “Me?”

“No, brainless, Haymitch,” Johanna rolled her eyes. “Look, you don’t have to say anything. Don’t feel weird about it. I just wanted to see how you were doing, that’s all. I didn’t come here to declare my undying love for you and beg you to run away with me.”

“You love… me?” Katniss was still wrapping her head around that fact.

“I thought we cleared that up already.”

“We did. I mean, I thought we did. But… I don’t know. Everything with you is… not simple, but easy. Natural. It’s not like that with Peeta. Letting you in was easy. Why is it different?” Katniss was confused, frustrated, and excited all at once, and she didn’t know what to do with herself.

“I think I need to go for a walk,” Katniss mumbled. “I’ll be back in a little while.”

—

Katniss knocked on Peeta’s door, trying absently to remember the last time she had visited him. She couldn’t. Peeta opened the door, offering her entry, which she took. She didn’t follow him into the house, however, electing to stay in the entryway.

“What’s going on, Katniss?” Peeta asked.

“I think I’m in love with Johanna,” Katniss blurted. She wasn’t looking forward to this conversation, but she figured it would be best for both of them if she got it over with quickly.

“I figured as much,” Peeta said resignedly.

“That’s it?” Katniss asked, surprised. “You’re not jealous or mad or anything?”

“Of course I’m jealous, Katniss. I love you. And I want to be the person who makes you happy. But I think we both know that I was never going to be that person.” 

“Is this another ‘everyone knows but Katniss’ thing?” Katniss asked.

“Not this time, I think,” Peeta said. He wrapped his arms around Katniss, patting her lightly on the back. “Does Johanna know?”

“No. I don’t think so. She didn’t seem to, anyway.”

“Are you going to tell her?”

“I… yes? I mean, she kind of told me she loves me, so it seems fair…”

Peeta pulled away slightly, looking Katniss in the eye. “Wait, when did that happen?”

“Um, about ten minutes ago?” Katniss said sheepishly.

“Katniss,” Peeta said seriously. “Johanna Mason just told you she loves you and you walked out the door to come visit me? What made you think that was a good idea?”

“I thought you deserved to know!” Katniss said indignantly.

“Well, now I know. But Johanna’s still out there, probably hurt and really confused, so get out of here.” 

“You really are too good for me, you know,” Katniss said.

“No, I’m not. I’m just not quite the right fit is all. Now go tell her.”

—

Walking into her house, Katniss was surprised to find Johanna exactly where she had left her, in the kitchen preparing dinner. 

“Enjoy your walk?” Johanna asked without looking up.

“Not really.”

“Where’d you go?”

“To Peeta’s,” Katniss said, walking up beside Johanna.

Immediately Johanna’s posture stiffened, and Katniss couldn’t help smiling slightly. “Why’d you do that?” Johanna asked somewhat archly.

“Because I didn’t want to be dating Peeta when I told you that I love you, too,” Katniss said, choosing her words carefully.

Johanna spun around a little too quickly for the composure she was clearly trying to keep, looking at Katniss in surprise. “You broke it off with Peeta?”

“He was never the one who was going to make me happy,” Katniss said, remembering his words.

“Then who is?” Johanna asked cautiously, not quite ready to jump in feet first.

“You are, stupid,” Katniss smiled.

—

The first time they saw Haymitch again since Johanna had left, he had laughed at them. “Well, princess, looks like you decided to grow a pair after all.” 

Haymitch patted Johanna on the back a little too roughly, but Johanna just threw him a cheeky smile and said, “What can I say, I’m good at getting what I want.”

Katniss rolled her eyes at Johanna’s boasts, but didn’t contest her claim.

“Well, good for you. Good for me, too. You were drinking me out of house and home,” Haymitch said. As a parting gesture, he turned around and asked, “Tell me, how hard did you have to hit Katniss over the head with it before she got the picture?”

Johanna laughed, high and clear and genuinely amused, so much that Katniss couldn’t bring herself to be insulted. “Pretty damn hard.”

—

Adjusting to Johanna as a permanent fixture in her life was easier than Katniss had thought it would be, and eventually their lives fell into an steady pattern that they both found quite agreeable.

Walking back from the market one afternoon, Johanna glanced down at their entwined hands and raised an eyebrow. “When did we get so domestic?”

“I don’t know,” Katniss responded, shrugging slightly. “But I kind of like it, don’t you?”

“Of course I do, brainless,” Johanna said lightly. “You’re here.”


End file.
